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Health Related:
HEALTH QUESTION AND ANSWER SESSION
Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it. Don't waste
them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart
will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of
your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and
corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So, a steak is nothing more than an
efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain?
Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy
vegetables). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily
allowance of vegetable products.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled
wine...that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even
more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one.
If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise
program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: "No Pain...Good."
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!!!!!!! Foods are fried these days in vegetable
oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables
be bad for you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the
middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should
really only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy?! HELLO.......Cocoa beans--another vegetable!!! It's the
best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! "Round" is a shape!
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about
food and diets. And remember: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave
with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved
body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand, strawberries
in the other--body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and screaming "EEEE
HAAAA! What a ride!"
Email To Dr. Phil:
I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me and we all could use more peace in our lives. By following the simple advice I heard on a Dr. Phil episode, I have finally found inner peace.
Dr. Phil proclaimed the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started.
So I looked around my house to see the things I started and hadn't finished, and before leaving the house this morning I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of White Zinfandel, a bottle of Baileys, a bottle of Kahlua, a package of Oreos, the remainder of both Prozac and Valium prescriptions and the rest of the cheesecake.
You have no idea how freaking good I feel!
Beans, beans, the miracle fruit...
Once there lived a woman who had a maddening passion for baked beans. She loved them but unfortunately, they had always had a very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction to her.
Then one day she met a man and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry she thought to herself, "He is such a sweet and gentle man, he would never go for this carrying on." She made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Some months later her car broke down on the way home from work. Since she lived in the country she called her husband and told him that she would be late because she had to walk home. On her way, she passed a small diner and the odor of the baked beans was more than she could stand. Since she still had miles to walk, she figured that she would walk off any ill effects by the time she reached home.
So, she stopped at the diner and before she knew it, she had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home she putt-putted, and upon arriving home she felt reasonably sure she could control it. Her husband seemed excited to see her and exclaimed delightedly, "Darling, I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded her and led her to her chair at the table. She seated herself and just as he was about to remove the blindfold from his wife, the telephone rang.
He made her promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned. He then went to answer the telephone.
The baked beans she had consumed were still affecting her and the pressure was becoming almost unbearable, so while her husband was out of the room she seized the opportunity, shifted her weight to one leg and let it go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of pulpwood mill. She found the napkin at her place and fanned the air around her vigorously.
Then, she shifted to the other cheek and ripped three more, which reminded her of cooked cabbage. Keeping her ears tuned to the conversation in the other room, she went on like this for another ten minutes.
When the telephone farewells signaled the end of her freedom, she fanned the air a few more times with her napkin, placed it on her lap and folded her hands upon it, smiling contentedly to herself. She was the picture of innocence when her husband returned,apologizing for taking so long, he asked her if she peeked, and she assured him that she had not.
At this point, he removed the blindfold, and she was surprised!!
There were twelve dinner guests seated around the table to wish her a "Happy Birthday" !!!
Modern Sayings
- A day without sunshine is like night.
- On the other hand, you have different fingers.
- He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
- I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
- Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
- What happens if you get scared to death twice?
- Inside every older person is a younger person wondering "what happened."
- Light travels faster than sound. Which is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
THE PAOMNNEHAL PWEOR OF THE HMUAN MNID
I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdgnieg.
Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a
wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm.
Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
Amzanig huh?
Funny cartoon pil "commercial".
All about our society "needing" to have pills for every condition.
http://www.grab.com/fun/specials/licensetopill
Wealth Related:
Are you searching for the "pot" at the end of the rainbow?
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Modern Sayings
- The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
- If you think nobody cares, try missing a few payments.
- If everything seems to be going well, you've obviously overlooked something.
- When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
- Hard work pays off in the future. Lazyness pays off now.
- If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
HISTORY LESSON - IN 1923 WHO WERE THE FOLLOWING AND WHAT HAPPENED TO THEM?
1. President of the largest steel company?
2. President of the largest gas company?
3. President of the New York Stock Exchange?
4. Greatest wheat speculator?
5. President of the Bank of International Settlement?
6. Great Bear of Wall Street?
These men were considered some of the world's most successful
of their day. Now, 80 years later, the history book asks us, if we know what
ultimately became of them.
THE ANSWERS:
1. The president of the largest steel company, Charles
Schwab, died a pauper.
2. The president of the largest gas company, Edward Hopson,
went insane.
3. The president of the NYSE, Richard Whitney, was released
from prison to die at home.
4. The greatest wheat speculator, Arthur Cooger, died abroad,
penniless.
5. The president of the Bank of International Settlement,
shot himself.
6. The Great Bear of Wall Street, Cosabee Livermore, also
committed suicide.
However, in that same year, 1923, the PGA Champion and the
winner of the most important, the US Open, was Gene Sarazen.
What became of him?
He played golf until he was 92, died in 1999 at the age of 95.
He was financially secure at the time of his death.
THE MORAL:
Skip work. Play golf.
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Shai & Yaffa Samuel's website!
